I’m going to stop calling it the “mental load”
Mothers are not just carrying the weight on our minds
It’s physiological
It’s on our chest and soul and heart and limbs
It’s in our pace and our presence
It’s in our focus of attention
It’s in how we spend our time –
always too slow or too fast
Behind and busy no matter how good we get at systems and self care
Much like mental health, the mental load of motherhood is not just in your head. It’s not just cognitive, it is felt. It’s in your soma- your animal body. Your nervous system. It’s in the way you move through the world. It’s a living breathing reality that is happening in the physical realm- not just in your “thoughts”. It’s why we can feel it.
It’s the way of the high functioner. We’ve got this. And we are so freaking tired of having it- but it’s not like we want to burn it all down. (okay so once a month when I am luteal I kinda do).
It’s in the way it can feel like running through mud
Spinning our wheels but going no where
It’s in the way we can feel too busy- but like we can’t use the breaks
like life is blurring past or creeping painfully along
It’s in the way it sometimes never feels enough because everything and everyone wants and needs a piece of us, so we often feel fragmented into pieces, half full versions of ourselves. Everywhere and nowhere at once.
Never fully or completely ourselves.
Stretched thin in a million directions.
It’s in the way we often can’t remember who we are as a whole because parts of our hearts are everywhere
It’s in the way we can feel both over and underwhelmed
Bored but much too busy
Ambitious and ready to throw it all away or burn it all down depending on the day
Tired but increasing our intensity none the less
Constantly saying we want less and also more
It’s in the way we feels like we can’t possibly put all of it or even pieces of it down- because everything matters
We aren’t setting boundaries with clear villains and victims. We are saying no to good things. Nuanced things. On the other side of boundaries we find ourselves in grief and anger or deep disappointment.
The mental load of motherhood shows up in the way we don’t feel like ourselves.
We aren’t tired because we can’t carry it
We aren’t tired because we can’t hold it,
We are tired because we are holding it
We are the holders. The keepers. The cycle breakers.
The MOTHERS. The healers, the helpers. The managers. The emotional regulators. The drivers. The cookers. The problem solvers. The problem anticipators.
We are always carrying it all around on our shoulders, hearts, and yes of course our minds.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never not been in control
Micromanaging the room and my relationships and myself.
We are tired because this is your circus and these are your monkeys and this is your blood line and inheritance and if you won’t stand the gap- who the hell will?
It’s not just the mental load of motherhood
It’s generational
It’s environmental
It’s relational
It’s political
It’s cultural
It’s personal
Its physical
It’s spiritual
It’s emotional
It’s the mother load
So while yes, the mental load of motherhood is real, it’s not just in your head. It’s a living reality and truth. This is the heart of my work with women at The Motherhood Mentor. Not just naming or normalizing the load- actually equipping women to hold and carry it. Not just where it looks good, where it can FEEL GOOD. Where she can find a pace where she is presence. Where she can find new edges of growth and self and exploration, but also soften into safety.
If this resonates with you, I’ve created a fun quiz to help you bring awareness to the way YOU are holding the “mother load” through the lens of boundaries. Maybe not as fun as figuring out your Harry Potter House (Griffindor) but I do think it’s probably more useful to your life.
Download the Boundaries Pattern Quiz here
And if you are really feeling how much the mental load is not just in your head, but felt in every part of you. Check out this blog on somatic healing and how it’s literally in your body.
Want to learn more about holding the mental load? Listen Here
Are you wanting support in holding and balancing the mother load? Learn more about working with me here.
